Thursday, April 17, 2014

Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping, And the vision that was planted in my brain still remains...Thank you Simon and Garfunkel and the sounds of silence.

To someone who loves to write but cannot find words to put down on the page a blank page is a scary thing. I developed the worst case of writers block. When we started packing and getting ready to move home I had so many emotions in my head that I couldn’t put those thoughts on paper and I probably never will. So, for that I am sorry. There were great things to share. Like the joy of the first night back in the house and then our great family trip to Disneyland. But, then hell broke loose the very first day home.

My mom woke us up in the middle of the might because she couldn’t breathe. I called 911 as Scotty took care of her. The ambulance and paramedics were here very quickly to care for her. Thank goodness. She doesn’t remember leaving the house. She remembers getting the gurney and that is it. I think that is the brains way to protect a person. I think that is a good thing.

We followed right away to the local hospital. They wouldn’t let me in for a long time and I spent the time calling loved ones. Stephanie got there really quick, and her BFF Valerie wasn’t far behind. It took me awhile to get ahold of Ryan. He and Celina had left their phones off. Something that I used to do and now do not. L I felt as though I was waiting forever.

When they finally came out they only took me. The Dr let me see her and tell her that we were there. She had no clue that I was there. I didn’t know that until later. Then the Dr took me to the hallway to talk to me. He had me sit down. I should have known then that it wouldn’t be good. Mom had gone into cardiac arrest, it took them 8 minutes to revive her. He then asked if she had a medical directive. I had no clue what he meant. When he explained what he meant I was thrown. No, we have never discussed this. He understood that I would not agree to anything.

The next Dr that came on wasn’t quite so nice about it. He told me more than once I should sign a DNR on Mom. I wouldn’t do it. She was answering yes and no questions. This was not the time to make that kind of decision, and there are other people to talk to before I could make that kind of decision. The intubated Mom and she couldn’t talk. I made the point of making sure she had a notebook to write on. Having been through this myself I know how hard that can be. Thank you Valerie for the notebook.
I went in to see Mom when they finally got her settled and gave her the notebook. The first thing she did was write me a note to go right home and make the house payment. This is a woman that they told me I should DNR. Mom wasn’t missing a step…..