Dream weaver I've just closed my eyes again Climbed aboard the dream weaver train Driver take away my worries of today And leave tomorrow behind.......Thank you Gary Wright

Do have awake dreams? Some people call them fantasies. I prefer to call them dreams. It is a technique I use to brighten my day. I plan vacations. I used to just plan Disney related trips. I love everything Disney but recently I have broadening my horizons. I love to do the planning. I think that I may enjoy planning vacations a bit more than I enjoy the vacations.

Maybe the reason I enjoy the planning more is because my dreams are always better than real life. Right now I am looking at so many different locations that it would boggle my friend’s minds. I am sure that many of them believe that I know no other place to visit or go to than Disneyland. Mind you though…..I have been looking at Disney Cruises and the Disney Adventures. Among many other places though.

This is the first time I have ever dreamt of Germany, let alone Europe. Scotty my husband was stationed in Germany while he was in the Army and I am mostly German in heritage. So, this makes me excited to think about. I have no idea where we might go in Germany but so far I like Heidelberg. More Germany to look at. The history of the country excites me.

But, now that I looking at Europe I need to look at other countries too. After all I have to visit Paris! I heard there is a Disneyland in France. ;) No, but seriously. Many years ago I read a novel of a woman who saved her money for years so that she could buy a Christian Dior dress in Paris. This captured my imagination. Not that I would ever get a Dior dress I would love to see that area. Silly I know.

I would love to see all of France, having grown up so close to Napa, California and actually living in the Suisun Valley of California I would love to see the wine country of France. Especially the Champagne area. I have a lot of dreaming (planning) to do! Of course this means research. Yay! This is exciting! I accept this task I have set before myself.

Well, if we're there how about Italy? Or Spain? Or what about Switzerland or Sweden? Oh this could take me a long time. Oh the fun to have. No, I am already learning German because I don’t want to be that person. I don’t expect to be fluent but I want some workable knowledge. Now, I need to look towards French, Italian and Spanish. The Spanish might not be too hard, I took conversational Spanish in college. Also known as Mexican Spanish. Of course I remember almost none of it but I think relearning might not be quite as bad.

What do you dream about? What you do that gives you that rush that planning gives me? Happy dreams friends! 

It was great when it all began I was a regular Frankie fan ..... Thank you Rocky Horror Picture Show for oh so many things!

How about we talk about one of my all-time favorite movies? Rocky Horror Picture Show! This was the movie of my 20’s. I will never forget the first time I heard anything about it. I was introduced to the movies music long before the movie by some long forgotten person. The music was far more memorable to me. I had never heard lyrics like these. I had to go buy myself the cassette tape. Yes, I am aging myself. This was before CDs and digital music.

Before long I could be heard singing such unforgettable songs like Science Fiction Double Feature, Over at the Frankenstein Place and Dammit Janet said something to me. Maybe it was because listening to them maybe felt a little naughty to me. I was in love with the music. This was among the music that I listened to as I cleaned how or I drove my car. Not the best role model my nephew who was two or three also knew all of the words to the songs.

Ryan could be heard singing Dammit Janet when other little kids were singing much more appropriate songs Ryan could sing these songs. Do I feel bad? No I don’t I have a little smile over it. Of course this wasn’t the only music we listened to just what we listened to the most. How well did Ryan know the music one day he told a friend of my sisters and mine “Donnie Burner in just seven days I can make you a man!” The poor guy was non plussed. He had never had an aunt like me. Hahahaha! But, after that Ryan and I listened more to Journey, Boston and such.

When my friend David found out that although I was very familiar with the music but I had never seen the movie he made sure that I did. We first watched a bootleg copy on this tiny little TV and well frankly it didn’t do the movie any favors. But, then as luck would have it one of our local theaters decided to have midnight movies and it was one of the movies they brought in. David and I went and I saw it on the big screen.

When Tim Curry came down the elevator as Frank N Furter dressed in high heels, fishnet stockings, a bustier and garters I was instantly and completely in lust. I am not sure what it was but this man to me was just so hot! The words coming out of his mouth were the same ones I knew by heart but to see it was so different. “How do you do? I see you met my faithful handyman…..” I was sold. I now understood why so many people liked no loved this strange and quirky movie.

Not everybody gets this movie, definitely not everyone gets my attraction when I was younger to Frank. But, I regret nothing. This was my jam and this was my young and not misspent adulthood. I am proud to say that I have passed my love of Rocky Horror Picture Show to my oldest daughter. The other two kids think we are nuts. We probably are. I still know every song by heart and I have watched the movie in the last year. I used to own the DVD because Ryan bought it for me. Such a good nephew!

So, this is my movie and maybe next I will thrill you with my Princess Bride knowledge. It isn’t inconceivable. ;)

It's the terror of knowing What this world is about Watching some good friends Screaming, "Let me out!" Thank you Queen for the title.

Fear is the great equalizer. It is worse than that. The media feeds on our fears. My mom is a person that feels fear about all of these diseases that the media is putting out there. Now let’s couple that with her being hard of hearing. This is not a fun thing she hears half of a report and goes off halfcocked into the world. A prime example is this Enterovirus D68, the virus that the children are getting.

Some children have died from in it and there are children that are paralyzed. I believe from her fear that she believes that she needs to worry about. Never mind the fact that they have endlessly reported that it is a disease that hits children and very few teenagers. Because adults and older teenagers have been exposed to it by now at one point or another.

If she hears about a child being sick the first thought she has is that the child has it and she needs to fear it. My husband is sick, he has a virus and is dizzy with queasiness. She asked me this morning if he was coughing. Her first thought was that he had caught the dreaded Enterovirus D68. I lost it. This has been an endless battle with her and I am at my wits end.

A few minutes ago she started reading an article about the gentleman in Texas who has Ebola. Now, I have told her time and again that we do not traveled to Africa. We do not at this point have any friends who have recently traveled to Africa. On and on. Sigh, the media needs to be clearer. If my mom is like this it tells me that there aren’t other people that don’t understand.

My only saving grace is that she has not learned out how to look diseases up on the internet. Then life as we know if would be over and she would be convinced that we all had some strange disease that we have no chance of getting. She can find her games to play, pay some of her bills, do her banking and read her email. She can read articles on AOL’s opening page but that is about all she can do. No medical searching. Thank goodness.

Happy thoughts to all!

Welcome to the jungle Watch it bring you to your knees, knees I wanna watch you bleed...Thank you Guns and Roses

Today I decided that I really need to blog. I need to say my piece concerning Ray Rice of the Baltimore Ravens. In February over Valentines weekend he used his then girlfriend as a punching bag. I guess I need to get my say out now because of the release of the video. This video is damning indeed. You see the violence at its rawest form. I need to address it because the NFL and the Ravens have decided to release him from the team.

I have so many questions and thoughts that I need to let it go. Cue the upsweep of music….. Okay, now just what the hell did the NFL and the Ravens think abuse looked like? Did they think that it was sunshine and roses? Did they picture children playing with puppies and kittens? No, I don’t think they did. I think what they saw was the bottom line. The almighty dollar sign. Who cares that someone was hurt? Be it a man, woman or child.

I truly believe that they thought we as a group wouldn’t care. I don’t think that they gave us enough credit. I believe that they thought that the glory of all that football is we would allow them to brush it under the rug. That we would be hypnotized by the fact that it was football season again. I think that maybe it might have worked. But, as these things happen the video was released. In all its ugliness it was out there for us to see.

Now, I have to ask this, why did the police never charge him? Why did the police/prosecutor interview her with Ray there? Shouldn’t abuse victims be interviewed alone? I may not be lawyer or even educated in law but common sense tells me that you separate them. I cannot believe this. I think that if I were an abuse victim I might be afraid to talk about it in front of said abuser. Fear is a real thing. I had a friend that was abused by her long term boyfriend and then husband. I would ask her why she let him continue to beat her. Her answer was always that he regretted it and that he would never do it again.

Now I was never happy with that statement because I knew with all my heart that I would beat the out of any person that did that to me. I still believe that is true but now I am not so quick to judge her or anyone else for that matter. How can I? I have no idea what it is like to be in that position. As a part of our human nature we like to believe the best of the people we love.

Then the NFL….Oh boy my questions abound here. First they suspend him for two games. Oh my you naughty boy! Could they spare the days? I think that they thought we could just let it go with that. After all boys will be boys. How many times did I hear that one growing up? Way too many. My dad believed too many archaic things. My grandpa on the other hand was a women’s libber. He was born in 1908 and he believed that women didn’t have equal rights and he fought until his dying days to bring change. Yes, he was my role model for the type of man I might want to marry. I think I did well.

The public outcry of the two game suspension of Ray Rice forced the NFL to rethink their position. Now it is a six game suspension for the first offense and then a lifetime ban. Or that’s what it was until the video. Suddenly the NFL and the Baltimore Ravens changed their collective minds. Mr. Rice was released from football. The NFL has said that no teams may hire him. He is persona no grata to the NFL and to his team. The same team and NFL had basically treated this as a boys will be boy’s situation.

Now I have to ask this. Did the NFL just put a big target on Mrs. Rice? Did this open it up to being her fault that his career is either over or put on hold? I have listened to the people on TV and I have read all of the social media firestorm. When I watched the news conference that John Harbaugh did I just got a yada yada feeling from it. I felt that he was uncomfortable with the whole issue. I feel that he should be. We all should be.

Now, in San Francisco Jim Harbaugh and the 49ers face a very similar situation with Ray McDonald. Mr. McDonald was arrested for beating up his pregnant fiancé. It was over Labor Day weekend. I am sensing a theme here. This time the second time that the police have shown up at the McDonald household. They aren’t saying why they were called the first time. Mr. McDonald played last weekend for the 49er’s and will probably continue to. After all there were only witnesses not video.

We wait and see what happens with this. I wait and see what happens here. Has this marred how I feel about a sport I was raised to love? Yes, unfortunately it has. I still have college ball though and I will continue to watch it. Maybe if the NFL steps up to the bat here they have lost me. This makes me both angry and sad.

Lying beside you Here in the dark Feeling your heartbeat with mine......Thank you Journey

Tomorrow on August 16, 2014 I will be married to my love of my life for twenty-two years. I used to laugh when I heard people refer to their spouses as their other halves or their better half when I was younger. I totally get it now. Scotty, is the best thing that ever happened to me. Without him I wouldn’t be me.

Not only is it the anniversary of our marriage but it is also the anniversary of our first kiss. I remember it as though it was yesterday. I knew that as soon as our lips touched that this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He is a gentle loving man.

This man is amazing to me. When I was sick in 2007 he was by my side. He was at my bedside every hour that he could be. He would come to my physical therapy on his days off. His devotion and love was the medicine that I needed the most. He with family decorated my room in ICU with cards, notes, banners, bible verses, and photos. Even though I was in a coma he wanted me to see these things when I woke up.

Because of things he researched he knew that because I was a stroke victim it was best to put these things on the side of my body that my stroke had affected so that I look that way. So, I couldn’t forget about that side like so any stroke victims do. If he couldn’t come see me he would call me. At first the conversations weren’t the best. After all I had a tracheotomy.

When I was moved to a facility even further from home we could only see each other on his days off. We talked every day. I will be honest and say that it was a very hard time for me. I spent many a night crying myself to sleep. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t use my right hand or arm. I felt helpless. Once again my walls were decorated. Scotty my knight in shining armor coming through.

When I was finally released to come home he took on the daunting chore of helping me to care for myself. I could walk with a walker but, my right arm was still paralyzed. I had an ileostomy and a catheter. Not a treasure to be hold for sure. But, he was to me. Scotty took such wonderful care of me. He would help me to shower and wash my hair. This was huge for me. He also took care of my other needs. Quite a thankless job. But, we were together again.

I am not sure that I ever thanked him properly for that. I know that Scotty is one of the reasons I am where I am today. My hero, my knight, my love of my life, my ketchup to my fries, my yin to my yang, I could go on and on. I love you honey, you are my one true love. Thank you for being you. <3 o:p="">

And when the night is cloudy There is still a light that shines on me Shine on until tomorrow, let it be....Thank you to The Beatles

It’s been so long my friends. Life was in turmoil again and I couldn’t focus enough to write. As it got less stressful I still couldn’t write. I have never suffered from such a creative block in my life. I was drowning in myself. Publically I was still me but inside I have been quite different. I recently picked up my embroidery again and it has been the best medicine. I am coming back into myself and maybe I can write a little.

Part of the reason I cannot write like I was is that I never have a moment’s peace. I used to be able to hide a bit and have time for me. This is a thing of the past. It is a lot like it was when our kids were little. Only to me that was a joy. A child’s innocent voice and joyful laughter are among the greatest gifts in the world. I miss those days. I hope that someday I will have grandkids and get to live that again.

I believe that Scotty like myself had felt like he had fallen into a pit. He barely rode his bike anymore and recently my active husband has returned. He is riding his bicycle again. His mood is more carefree and he seems to have thrown off that shadow. Thank the Lord. He has always been a very caring person and he feels things deeply. I love my man. I feel as though I am blessed to have found him. I know that I give him trials but I certainly don’t mean to.

The dog days of summer are so hot this year. I am trying to amp up on my walking and I am just so blazing hot most of the time that walking is a big chore. Moral to this story? Don’t let yourself get as out of shape as I have allowed myself to. I really want to get in good enough shape to be healthy and maybe walk in a Disney 5k or two. Cross your fingers for me. I am rambling now so this is the end of this update.

Peace and love to all. 

Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping, And the vision that was planted in my brain still remains...Thank you Simon and Garfunkel and the sounds of silence.

To someone who loves to write but cannot find words to put down on the page a blank page is a scary thing. I developed the worst case of writers block. When we started packing and getting ready to move home I had so many emotions in my head that I couldn’t put those thoughts on paper and I probably never will. So, for that I am sorry. There were great things to share. Like the joy of the first night back in the house and then our great family trip to Disneyland. But, then hell broke loose the very first day home.

My mom woke us up in the middle of the might because she couldn’t breathe. I called 911 as Scotty took care of her. The ambulance and paramedics were here very quickly to care for her. Thank goodness. She doesn’t remember leaving the house. She remembers getting the gurney and that is it. I think that is the brains way to protect a person. I think that is a good thing.

We followed right away to the local hospital. They wouldn’t let me in for a long time and I spent the time calling loved ones. Stephanie got there really quick, and her BFF Valerie wasn’t far behind. It took me awhile to get ahold of Ryan. He and Celina had left their phones off. Something that I used to do and now do not. L I felt as though I was waiting forever.

When they finally came out they only took me. The Dr let me see her and tell her that we were there. She had no clue that I was there. I didn’t know that until later. Then the Dr took me to the hallway to talk to me. He had me sit down. I should have known then that it wouldn’t be good. Mom had gone into cardiac arrest, it took them 8 minutes to revive her. He then asked if she had a medical directive. I had no clue what he meant. When he explained what he meant I was thrown. No, we have never discussed this. He understood that I would not agree to anything.

The next Dr that came on wasn’t quite so nice about it. He told me more than once I should sign a DNR on Mom. I wouldn’t do it. She was answering yes and no questions. This was not the time to make that kind of decision, and there are other people to talk to before I could make that kind of decision. The intubated Mom and she couldn’t talk. I made the point of making sure she had a notebook to write on. Having been through this myself I know how hard that can be. Thank you Valerie for the notebook.

I went in to see Mom when they finally got her settled and gave her the notebook. The first thing she did was write me a note to go right home and make the house payment. This is a woman that they told me I should DNR. Mom wasn’t missing a step…..